06.12.08
Posted in Uncategorized at 6:39 am by admin
Karate has many benefits, but also has hidden bonuses.
For a child the benefits are numerous. Many pre-school age children are able to participate in karate where they couldn’t in any other sport because of their age and ability. In karate pre-schoolers are able to enjoy the things that they like to do such as kicking, jumping, being able to punch on a bag. They get to learn balance, coordination, memory and discipline, things kids their age are needing as a basic foundation not only for karate but also for life. The hidden bonus is that children this age love doing it and will do their best to show it off at test time.
Kids ages 7-12 benefit from the physical activity, bully prevention that is often taught in classes and of course the self-defense. The hidden bonuses are the confidence that is built from the achievements earned along with focus that blends over into homework. All my Jr. Black Belts that are in this age range are either straight A students or A-B students. Karate has taught them the discipline to stick it out and to stay focused when it comes to school work.
Adults come to karate looking mostly for physical benefits and find out they receive much more than expected. Karate renews and adds to their confidence, helps them deal with anger management and many times helps them resolve issues in a more peaceful way. The hidden bonus is that karate teaches success management and goal achievement in a person’s life in knowing that helping others get what they want is the first step to success in karate, as well as life. Karate’s basic foundation is the belt system, but it is more than that, it is a goal system set up to help teach others how to set and achieve their own goals.
The benefits of karate are simple: physical fitness means better health, self-defense means safety, and belt levels mean goal setting and achievement for even the youngest of karateka.
The bonuses are many times hidden when you first start karate, but even after 1 month they start revealing themselves in so many positive ways that the practitioner didn’t even realize when he first started. Karate: Benefits and hidden Bonuses that are well worth your time.
Mike Webb is the owner/head instructor of the Okinawan School of Karate and has 17 years of experience in Karate. For more information on Mike Webb go to http://karatebenefits.com
The above article may be published freely as long as all links are included and content is not changed. Copyright Mike Webb 2007
Bodhipaksa
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06.10.08
Posted in Uncategorized at 7:53 am by admin
When I talk with people who have just lost someone they love, I don’t talk about the gifts. Whether it’s a loss due to death or divorce or some other kind of loss, thinking about the gifts too soon is not at all helpful.
In the first few months following a loss, the feelings of separation are all consuming. It feels like nothing will ever feel better and life will never return to normal. It’s true that life will never return to what it was prior to the loss, but the process of grief brings us to a new kind of normal as we integrate the loss into our lives.
The time to think about the gifts is when a person begins looking toward the future. In listening to the language they use, past and present tense gradually give way to future tense. It’s a subtle shift, but one loaded with meaning…healing is happening and with it opportunities for growth. This is when the gifts that we’d all readily give back if we could, become apparent.
It may be the widow just learning to drive or balance a checkbook. It may be a greater sense of independence and possibility following a separation or divorce. It may be the new and exciting career path following a lay off. It may be the opportunity to indulge creative impulses that have been lying dormant until a shattering life event makes an opening to pursue them. It may be the greater compassion that emerges from a wounded heart.
Loss comes to all of our lives. No one is immune. And they’re not always big losses like someone dying. Sometimes they’re smaller losses like moving, changing jobs, retiring, children leaving home…any change at all can bring about grief.
Inherent in change is loss. Before we can create or discover something new, we have to lose something else. Stress from feeling overwhelmed increases as we try to move forward without the loss of giving up anything.
With the big losses like death, divorce, and financial setbacks, there is the experience of being completely and utterly shattered by the loss, often leading to a dark night of the soul experience, a period of intense disorganization, upheaval and confusion.
What most of us try to do in response is to get a handle on the confusion. I have to admit to doing that myself from time to time, but the real gifts of grief come from making a space within us and opening to the not knowing, opening to the confusion, opening to the sadness, the anger, the guilt and the fear. Feeling and embracing that mess of squirmy feelings, thoughts and experiences is where we find the openings into great revelation and transformation.
This is the path that leads us to a deeper sense of who we are and why we’re here. The pain of loss creates an opening, and opening invites growth. The process of grieving leads us to a new sense of self with a greater capacity for life.
Susan L. Fuller is the author of ‘How to Survive Your Grief When Someone You Love Has Died’. She is a grief expert who has facilitated bereavement support groups, provided follow up bereavement services for hospice families and trained hospice volunteers . She is licensed in Massachusetts as a Licensed Mental Health Counselor.
For more information, go to:
http://www.surviveyourgrief.com
Islam
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Posted in Uncategorized at 7:36 am by admin
Dear Loved Ones,
Welcome to Spirituality Inside and Out and the Daily Universal Insights.
We Love to Honor you into this community of Unity and Oneness.
I love you. I love you. I love you. FOR WE ARE ALL ONE.
Have you taken a deep cleansing breath today? Go ahead and give this time to yourself and collect your thoughts and yourself into a Hug. You are definitely worth it.
Oneness With All That Is Oneness with all that Is, simply Is when we don’t make a big deal about it. It is Beautiful when we choose it to be Beautiful.
Oneness with all that Is, Is Exciting when we give it the energy of Excitement. Oneness with all that Is, Is Loving when we Love for it to be Loving. Oneness is Oneness as we awaken to be One with ourselves and others.
So many times there are complaints about loneliness and resistance of the Oneness. So many times the door to our hearts are closed due to past experiences and the Oneness is to blame. So many times one is in financial stress while the Oneness is offering much to cure the problem.
We see what we see through our own eyes. We experience what we experience through our decisions. We are in charge of our own eyes and our own decisions.
Let us open up to the Oneness everywhere. Support is everywhere. Love is everywhere. Sometimes we give way and forget that we are Not alone. We choose to be paralyzed in one aspect of our lives and the paralysis takes over as if we are bound and tied to something reversible and unsolvable.
When we choose to be One with ourselves then there is no separation of the continuous and eternal Self. When Oneness takes place within then Oneness takes place without.
What advantage does the external Oneness have for you? You shall personally know it when you experience it.
For Now I invite you to close your eyes, take several deep cleansing breaths and see yourself One With All That Is. See what you see in your mind’s eye. Feel the feelings of Love as Oneness. The more you connect to the Oneness the more you are in the present. The more you live in the present the more you feel the presence of Divine Love. The choice is yours.
No one can force any human being into doing, being and having what they don’t want. I encourage you today to let go of that side of you which may say that this is all hogwash, silly or nonsense.
I encourage you to pay attention to that part of you that is thriving and waiting to be One with all that is since the beginning of time. That part of you, the God within you, the Spirit within you is you, and the time has come for you to really be One with yourself and feel the Joy in your Heart and Soul, as if you are the presence of all Beauty in all things as all things.
You are so worthy of Love inside and out. Open up to receive it. I guarantee you that Divine Love will heal you.
And so it is. Bless you.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
Please feel free to forward and share these Insights with your family, friends, associates, helpers, boss, teachers, students and enemies to create a space of openness to create Oneness.
May the love and light of God and the Universe surround, protect and heal you, your loved ones and the planet earth. With Love, Gratitude and Respect, Michelle Morovaty Truly, With God All Things Are Possible© Copyright 2007 Spirituality Inside and Out, LLC
ABOUT MICHELLE Michelle Morovaty is an Intuitive Spiritual Teacher and Healer. She has healed herself from many challenges including Lupus CNS, a car accident and divorce. She uses her intuition and universal guidance to assist people through the healing process.
For more about Michelle and her healing sessions see http://www.spiritualityinsideandout.com and for her guided meditation CD’s see http://www.insidenow.com
Spiritual Or Physical Illusion
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06.09.08
Posted in Uncategorized at 8:21 am by admin
When you get a divorce everything changes between you and your former spouse. But what about the grandchildren? If you have been part of a step-family or other blended family situation, there may be young grandchildren that you have become close to. If you are no longer part of the family will you still be able to see them and be a part of their lives?
Legally it is the parents who make all of the choices regarding the children. So, if your son or daughter is no longer married there may be children that you will no longer have the legal right to visit, spend time with, or have any connection to. That can be very painful for everyone involved. Here are some suggestions for making a difficult situation a little better:
- Stay in touch with the parent that is not related to you. When my son got divorced I made a point of staying in contact with the mother of my granddaughter. It was a slow process and took a few years to work out, but I now visit them regularly and have earned a place of love and respect in my former daughter-in-law’s life. She has remarried and has another child. It would have been easier to just let them all go, but I am glad I persevered and now have regular contact with all of them.
- Be willing to give the situation enough time for wounds to heal. You may never know exactly why the couple ended up separating so just accept it and let time help to heal. By letting some time pass it is now easier to talk about the past and not feel so much hurt.
- Always say and do what you will be proud of later on. A little respect and kindness can mean a lot to people that you are no longer in daily contact with. Imagine how they might be feeling and remember that they are under no obligation to let you into their lives. Be thankful for any time you are able to spend with your grandchildren.
By remembering these things you can end up with a family that is multi-layered and full of love. The fondest memory I have is when my ex-husband, his first wife, and I got together with our granddaughter who is now living with my step-son, who is also divorced. If you can picture what I just said, you are on your way to law of success.
To find out more about living your life with passion visit http://www.ReinventYourLifeWithPassion.com
Louise Hay
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06.03.08
Posted in Uncategorized at 5:32 am by admin
The new pay boom for Wellness Coaching has reached grandiose heights. Wellness coaching is a form of life coaching specifically related to improving ones overall physical well-being and improving the quality of one’s diet and fitness lifestyle.
In recent years, Wellness Coaching has increased in popularity in the health community because of it’s foundation in holistic nutrition and alternative health. As more and more people become in tuned to the benefits of holistic health, career opportunities for Wellness Coaches, Holistic Life Coaches, and Holistic Life Counseling are sky-rocketing. Specifically, Wellness Coaches are reaping the tremendous benefits.
After teaching Wellness Coaching online since 2003, Carmellita M. Brown the lead instructor for Lose Weight While Becoming a Wellness Coach says: “Wellness coaching is now seeing a pay boom. More people are looking for someone to help whip them into shape.”
According to Carmellita Brown, Fitness Trainers are not the only ones able to earn by the hour. “Wellness Coaches can earn as much as $150 an hour for their services,” says Brown. With just 20 clients and twice a week visits, Wellness Coaches can earn a staggering $6,000 weekly.
So, what are Wellness Coaching clients looking for? Wellness Coaching clients are looking for eating plans for weight-loss and anti-aging, information on the lifestyle improvements, and a regiment for the entire family. Furthermore, the main focus on lifestyle improvements has included ways to increase live foods in the diet, promote natural weight-loss, and prevent disease through food and mineral consumption.
According to Brown, this is where the Wellness Coach shines, “Unlike Nutritionists who normally follow the Standard American Diet model, properly trained Wellness Coaches understand more about the benefits of live foods, food combinations, maintaining the body’s pH levels, detoxification, and mineral supplementation.” In addition, Brown emphasizes that Wellness Coaches who also understand spiritual principles and self-development techniques are the most effective in helping clients develop healthful habits and lose weight.
And how are Wellness Coaches building their list of loyal clientele? First, many Wellness coaches are using the internet as a viable resource for building clientele even in their own cities. With their own blogs, websites, and online social networks, Wellness Coaches are finding the internet a great resource for building clientele. Even in face to face transpersonal coaching (one on one coaching), Wellness Coaches can find clients in their own cities on the net.
Second, many Wellness Coaches use nutritional network marketing companies to expand their list of clientele. Many Wellness Coaches work with Network Marketing Sales representatives for nutritional products to reach new clientele. Many Network Marketers of nutritional products hire Wellness Coaches as speakers and trainers in order to increase sales. For this service, many Wellness Coaches may charge a fee of $200 to $500 for a 3 hour workshop.
Third, many Wellness Coaches succeed at writing books and e-books on subjects related to nutrition, physical health, mental health, and weight loss. Coupled with blogs and websites, this proves to be an excellent way for Wellness Coaches to build clientele.
And finally, the key to most Wellness Coaches’ law of success lies in their ability to articulate the anti-aging process, the science of losing weight, and the ability to transform one’s lifestyle. Training and access to the latest information about such matters can quickly evolve into a thriving career in Wellness Coaching and earn a Wellness Coach the new hourly pay boom.
Roslyn Randle is an accomplished Writer, Author, and Internet Marketer. She is Editor-in-Chief of Headline Articles and co-instructor for several online courses. To learn more about wellness coaching visit Lose Weight While Becoming A Wellness Coach at http://universalclass.com/i/crn/9478.htm Also discover your divine right to live in wealth by visiting Abundance Training 101: The Universal Law Of Abundance at http://universalclass.com/i/crn/14056.htm
Be calm and live in the moment
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Posted in Uncategorized at 5:17 am by admin
Regret - to remember with sense of loss or feeling of having done amiss; to wish otherwise” - Chambers Dictionary
“Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again to few to mention”
Frank Sinatra, My Way
How many people can say that?
Have you any regrets?
What do you do about these regrets? Do you dwell on them until they fester? Do you ask yourself, what can I do? Do these regrets stop you taking risks?
Are you holding on to missed opportunities, what should you have done, what could you have done, what if …….. etc?
There are ways of dealing with a regret but first of all ask yourself -do you want to deal with your regrets?
Regrets can become a noose around your neck and interfere with your life and your motivation. They can cause you to be unhappy, have feelings that you don’t want to have.
Where is carrying round your disappointments, missed opportunities, focusing on what could have been or would have done getting you? What use is it to you to keep these feelings of missed opportunities? How much better for you to learn from them. If you are constantly focusing on what you did or didn’t do when will you have time to see what lies ahead. “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us”.
-Helen Keller.
Don’t hold on to your past to the detriment of your future. This takes courage, a lot of courage to move on. There is always something better ahead and you will not see it if you keep looking behind.
It is never too late,,. take for instance a 70 year old man, who always wanted a degree - and he went out and got it! How must he have felt? Well he felt elated and that the world was his oyster.
Are you holding on to missed opportunities by holding on to regrets about the past? Do you continue to focus on what you should have, could have, and would have done? Encumbering yourself with “what ifs” will not bring these opportunities back to you. You shouldn’t dwell on missed opportunities, but take in the knowledge that you’ve gained in return.
Tips for dealing with regrets you may have:
Don’t look back look forward
Make friends with them, acknowledge them, accept them and then put them away.
Make this your time for No Regrets
Take a step back and see it from a different perspective, what could you have done differently?
Identify what exactly the regret is. Are your feeling distorting the memory, did you have any responsibility over this regret.
Learn from these feelings, so you don’t do it again.
Recognise what it is doing for you holding on to these regrets
If there is something you can do about it, do it now. Forgive yourself and anyone else that may be involved.
Set yourself a goal to make list of any regrets that you may have and DEAL WITH THEM.
In the “American Idol” show a man was featured who cracked under the pressure of the Hollywood and he voluntarily took himself out of the running at that point to preserve his sanity. When he walked back into the testing room for this year’s audition, he explained to the judges that he had awakened every day since that fateful decision, and had regretted not seeing the competition through. He said that he was there to try out again to prove to himself that he wasn’t a quitter, or to avoid living with any more regrets. He sang his heart out, made it through to the Hollywood round again, and walked out with tears streaming down his face, saying he had just “won,” regardless of the final outcome of this year’s show.
Remembering the words of Edith Piaf’s beautiful Song Non - Je ne Regrette Rien
No, no regrets
No, we will have no regrets
As you leave, I can say
Love was king, but for only a day
Life still goes on
Yes, even though love has gone
One last kiss
Shrug and sign
No Regrets even though it’s goodbye
(Lyric provided by John Bol johnbol@casema.net)
How much do you want to change your life - do you believe you haven’t got the answers - you do! Together we can find these answers. I am the person who can help you. I have been a life coach for 2 years, training with the Coaching Academy, one of the top coaching schools in Europe. My passion is people who want to get the most out of their lives. Please go to my website: http://www.denisevogel-lifecoach.co.uk and see how we can work together to get the most from your life.
Tower Of Babel
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06.01.08
Posted in Uncategorized at 3:53 pm by admin
I hope that the following article will help you to better understand this topic. Some people who have a low self value relay to a great extent on their day to day performances. The positive external experience and encouragements help them to fight the negative feelings that they have about themselves. These negative feelings very often upset the people with a low self esteem in some situations and cases these feelings anguish them.
Surly there are many known ways of improving the low self esteem. The pursuit way is one of the easiest and the simplest way to battle low self esteem that we become victims of.
The method is known as “three steps to a better self esteem”. The three major n-ways of improving self respect are
1. Rebut the internal critic that keeps on Using its mouth unnecessarily.
2. Practice the art of self nurturing
3. Get the much needful help from other people who are close to you.
The first and the most significant step to increases your self value is that to tell the inner voice to shut up. Some of the common examples that you can enforce in the process of improving your self value are as follows. The inner voice might say. “The viewers liked the project presented by me. But Nobody seemed to notice the number of times I went wrong. There are many places where I have gone wrong in the program it was a flop”. In such a position you must praise yourself. The project showing was good though I could have better the current status of the project that was very good. It was a success.
Rebutting the inner voice that keeps on criticizing you should be done on a steady basis .However this step is not enough to develop your self esteem. The second step that you must initiate on your way to a good for you self esteem is that you should nurture yourself. The most significant part of this step is start treating yourself as a person who is worth while. Low and mediocre self value is often the consequence of sorry or a wrong treatment precondition to you in the past.
Therefore you must start regarding yourself as a worthwhile person. You must be able to challenge negative experiences in the past and you should start loving yourself. Try to change yourself and show to the outside world that you are valuable, competent, loveable and deserving person
One of the most efficient ways to better your self esteem is to ask for support to your teachers, friends and parents and in general to the people who are close to you. Another healy approach is to try to realize that you are an individual and not like somebody else, you are unique and understand that God personally h59Cas made you special and has best for you in your personal life.
Don’t let this evil thought to get a grasp of you, just remember they are not your friends and to most people surprise are quite the apposite so just watch them and don’t believe their accusations.
In conclusion I’d like to say thank you to you for reading this article and good luck with any issues related to this information.
Michael Malega presents several ways to improve self esteem articles for your information. You can visit Michael’s web site at: Ways To Improve Self Esteem
http://www.improve-self-esteem.net/Ways-To-Improve-Self-Esteem.php
Buddha
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Posted in Uncategorized at 3:25 pm by admin
Generally, change in any form is met with opposition. Now, this is due to the fact that a person has to emerge from his secure and relaxed position. This change concept is not accepted straightforwardly by a majority of people because they need to exert themselves more in order to survive. Yet, there is no other option and it is just the way out. Coping with change is never an easy thing to undertake.
Nonetheless, change is quite indispensable in all the spheres of life. It is not only circumstances, which change but people also undergo change. You just cannot go5B4 through life being monotonous and inactive, and still state with confidence that everything is just great. Moving ahead in life and perhaps, treading a lesser-known road, is an inescapable part of one’s life.
The same holds good in the way in which people conduct themselves. There are times, when a particular behavioral style will not be apposite any longer and hence will require to be suitably modified in order to become a better person. For example, a young woman, while attending college, could have behaved in a free-spirited manner. She may have gone out with close pals, and she was at liberty to do whatever she wanted. But, when she gets married, there are responsibilities that she needs to carry out.
In all likelihood, she may have to remain at home and look after her baby rather than hang out with friends or view a movie with them. Therefore, this modification in her behavior is apparently needed.
There are several other related state of affairs in an individual’s life. There comes a point, when he has to act in a different way, as he develops. Change may be easier said than done but it is quite feasible.
On the brighter side, when a person is confronted with change and he is able to overcome it successfully, he is filled with a sense of relief and supremacy since he was capable of surmounting change for the benefit of self-improvement. Now, the route was far from easy, but in the end, he became a more imp5B4roved person and hence it was well worth it.
The road to self-improvement is full of twists and turns. In the first instance, a person has to recognize what exactly needs to be changed. After that, he may have to incorporate specific tactics. A study may be carried out regarding the prevailing environment and the current state of affairs in order to determine the best possible course of action for behavior modification.
When attempting to better oneself, behavior is a key area of concern. Now, this is due to the fact that one needs to exercise tremendous restraint in handling other spheres of life. This most often the scenario when one is seeking to improve the way in which he connects with other individuals.
For example, a person becomes impatient very fast and tends to get confrontational over trivial issues. This is where self-improvement comes in; to help change the way he acts in response to little matters that infuriate him. He may discover that the best way to handle this is to simply ignore it the moment he feels his blood beginning to boil. Besides, he may now learn to direct his displeasure into more fruitful avenues such as penning a poem or painting. This clearly reveals that attempting to improve any sphere of life calls for behavioral modification.
This also clarifies the reason why counselors usually recommend devising the plan for self-improvement as a first step. Many a times, it is quite simple 597to bring in changes, provided one is aware of the direction in which he is moving. This plan should not be very rigid, but leave enough scope for maneuverability. This self-improvement plan provides a suitable framework for modifying behavior. It can serve as a starting point in future, in case the change in behavior actually resulted in self-improvement.
Abhishek is a self-proclaimed Personality Development Guru and has written several books on this topic! Visit his website http://www.Positive-You.com and Download his FREE Personality Development Report and discover some amazing self-improvement tips for FREE. Become the best you can become and reclaim your life! But hurry, only limited Free copies available! http://www.Positive-You.com
Michael Berg
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Posted in Uncategorized at 3:14 pm by admin
Relationship myths are everywhere. There are more than I can count. The fairy tales that we believe create all sorts of problems in our real life relationships. Let’s look at eight of the many relationship myths that will doom your relationship to failure:
1. All you need is love
This one is nice to believe. Love conquers all. Reality check: love is an essential ingredient in your relationship, but it is just one of many. A good relationship needs other ingredients, such as respect, appreciation, and the ability to negotiate when in conflict, to name a few.
2. If my partner loved me, s/he would _____________.
This statement is one of conditional love. It’s also quite manipulative. Essentially, it’s saying this: “If you loved me, you would do what I want; you would even know what I want without my having to tell you.” Wow, that’s quite a heavy expectation from someone you love.
Does it work the other way around (If I loved my partner, I would ______________)? Not usually. Be careful. If you expect your partner to love you unconditionally, yet you have all these conditions for you to give love your partner, you are creating an unequal, unfair, and deeply unhappy relationship.
3. Love means never having to say you’re sorry
Yes, the movie “Love Story” gave us that line. If you don’t say “I’m sorry” when you’ve done something offensive, what does that say about you? Are you too insecure to admit to causing offense? Are you telling your partner you are so above other mortals that you don’t need to apologize?
Are you so angry at your partner that you believe s/he deserves what you did? I sincerely hope not. If this is a habit of yours, examine your beliefs about apologizing. They may need revising. Otherwise, you may be headed for loneliness.
4. If the sex is good, the relationship will be good too
Too many people consider a passionate sex life to mean they are compatible with their partner. They confuse passion with love. If that’s all you’ve got, it’s not enough to sustain a committed relationship.
5. If I don’t say what I think/feel, I can’t be happy in my relationship
What are we, in grade school? “If I don’t get to express myself, I’m going to pout.” I’ve had thoughts I would not want people to know about; we all have. Some thoughts, if voiced, can permanently damage a relationship.
I’m not telling you to stuff all of your feelings and never say what’s on your mind. I’m asking you to be aware of how your words can impact your loved one. Ask yourself, “If my partner told me what I’m about to say, how would I feel?” Think first before you speak, then be tactful.
6. My partner is supposed to make me happy
Some people work really hard to make their partner happy, believing it is actually in their power to create happiness in another person. Others believe that their partner holds their happiness in the palm of his/her hands.
Sometimes people who believe this myth spend lots of time complaining to their partner and nagging their partner. Danger, danger! Creating happiness is your responsibility, not your partner’s. You can do this when you work together to build a respectful, appreciative relationship.
7. My relationship would be great, if only my partner would change
Maybe so, but your partner’s change is not in your control. You can threaten your partner, further damaging your relationship, or you can take responsibility for the only person whose behavior you can change: you. That’s a big enough job, believe me!
8. A relationship should be 50/50
If you got 50% of the questions right on an exam, you would receive a failing grade. Is that acceptable? This statement becomes a scorekeeping issue. I’ll wash half of the dishes or mow half of the lawn. I’ll do my part, but only if he does his share. Again, control your own behavior and do your part. That’s 100% of your part, not a failing grade of 50%.
For more tips and tools for attracting love and prosperity into your life, visit http://www.sanantoniorelationshipcoach.com For weekly tips and tools sign up for Michelle’s free newsletter, Relationship Success, while you’re there. You can also visit http://languageofrelating.blogspot.com and http://powerofgratitude.blogspot.com Michelle E. Vasquez is a Relationship Coach in San Antonio, Texas. She specializes in helping people attract the life they want and create the relationships that bring them joy. She is available for in office and phone coaching for individuals and couples who want to create more joy in their relationships.
Mohandas Gandhi
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Posted in Uncategorized at 2:59 pm by admin
After seven years of marriage Oscar winner Reese Witherspoon and movie star Ryan Phillippe have called it quits.
How could this be? Just months ago in her Oscar acceptance speech, Reese Witherspoon thanked her beloved husband, and now they’re divorcing. Wasn’t this a fairy tale marriage?
When people are looking for a partner, some of the characteristics they most commonly seek include:
- Good looks
- Sexual appeal
- Financial stability
- Sense of humor
- Ability to have fun
Didn’t Ryan and Reese have all those in spades? So what could possibly have gone wrong?
It’s virtually certain that their marriage-like almost all marriages-was doomed from the very beginning, from the word “hello,” not the words “I do.” Why?
In order to be happy, what we all want more than anything else is to feel loved. Our souls require feeling loved in just as real a way as our bodies require air and food.
A NEW DEFINITION OF LOVE: REAL LOVE
But not just any kind of love will do. The only kind of love that can fill us up and make us whole emotionally is Real Love.
Real Love is caring about the happiness of another person without any thought for what we might get for ourselves.
It’s also Real Love when other people care about our happiness unconditionally. With Real Love, people are not disappointed or angry when we make our foolish mistakes, when we don’t do what they want, or even when we inconvenience them personally.
Conditional Love
Sadly, few of us have sufficiently received or given Real Love. From the time we were small children, we observed that when we didn’t fight with our sisters, didn’t make too much noise in the car, got good grades, and were otherwise obedient and cooperative, our parents and others smiled at us, patted our heads, and spoke kindly. With their words and behavior, they told us what good boys and girls we were, and we felt loved.
But what happened when we did fight with our sisters, made too much noise, got bad grades, and dragged mud across the clean living room carpet? Did people smile at us then or speak gentle, loving words? No-they frowned, sighed with disappointment, and often spoke in harsh tones. Just as the positive behaviors of other people communicated to us that we w5B4ere loved, we could interpret the withdrawal of those behaviors only as an indication that we were not being loved. Although it was unintentional, our parents and others taught us this terrible message: “When you’re good, I love you, but when you’re not, I don’t-or certainly I love you a great deal less.”
This conditional love can give us brief moments of satisfaction, but we’re still left with a huge hole in our souls, because only Real Love can make us genuinely happy. When someone is genuinely concerned about our happiness, we feel connected to that person. We feel included in his or her life, and in that instant we are no longer alone. Each moment of unconditional acceptance creates a living thread to the person who accepts us, and these threads weave a powerful bond that fills us with a genuine and lasting happiness. Nothing but Real Love can do that. In addition, when we know that even one person loves us unconditionally, we feel a connection to everyone else. We feel included in the family of all mankind, of which that one person is a part.
WHAT WE DO WITHOUT REAL LOVE: IMITATION LOVE
If we don’t have enough Real Love in our lives, the resulting emptiness is unbearable. We then compulsively try to fill our emptiness with whatever feels good in the moment-money, anger, sex, alcohol, drugs, violence, and the conditional approval of others. Anything we use as a substitute for Real Love becomes a fo5B4rm of Imitation Love, which includes, among others:
- Praise
- Flattery
- The conditional approval we get from people when we do what they want
- Sex
- Money
- Success in our careers
- Power
- Drugs and alcohol
- Shopping
- Gambling
Imitation Love feels great for a while, but the problem is that the positive effects always wear off, and then we have to earn more and more, and the effects wear off faster and faster.
FALLING IN LOVE: THE NATURE AND EFFECT OF IMITATION LOVEEven though Imitation Love cannot give us genuine, lasting happiness, it does feel good, and if Real Love is either unknown to us or unavailable, we’ll go to great lengths to get enough Imitation Love to feel good temporarily. In the absence of sufficient Real Love, we’re strongly attracted to anyone who gives us Imitation Love, and in order to get Imitation Love from people, we tend to give it to them. Most relationships, therefore, are based on the trading of Imitation Love. Men, for example, tend to offer flattery and conditional approval to women in exchange for sex.
When we find someone who gives us more Imitation Love than anyone else has, and when we give them more in return than they have received from others, we “fall in love.” Falling in love is rarely anything more than the relatively equal and abundant exchange of Imitation Love. That may not be romantic, but it5B4’s nonetheless true. When a guy sees a girl across a crowded room and says to his friends, “I think I’m in love,” is there anyone on the planet who believe that his true meaning is, “I’ve fallen into a sudden unconditional concern for her happiness”? No, he’s expressing a belief that he’ll get more Imitation Love from her than he would from anyone else he can think of. We tend to start our relationships on the basis of how much Imitation Love we anticipate we’ll receive from that partner, and that’s a disastrous foundation for a relationship.
When Ryan Phillipe and Reese Witherspoon met in conjunction with a film they were doing together, the setting was glamorous and exciting. They both had all the praise, power, money, sex, and other qualities that anyone could want in a partner. The trading of Imitation Love was very abundant, and the feelings they got from that were exhilarating in the beginning. In order to guarantee that they would continue to get those feelings for a lifetime, they married each other. That’s almost always why people get married: to guarantee that their partner will keep making them as happy as he or she did in the beginning of the relationship.
As I’ve said before, however, the effect of Imitation Love always fades, as Ryan and Reese discovered-as almost all couples discover. They really enjoyed the initial exchange of Imitation Love, but it wasn’t long before that level of praise, power, and pleasure5B4 wasn’t as rewarding as it once had been. When people say the “excitement has worn off” in a relationship, they’re just describing the fleeting effects of Imitation Love.
What a miserable state of affairs. When they first met, what Ryan and Reese both needed was Real Love, but neither of them had ever felt much unconditional love, so there was no way they could have loved one another as they needed. We simply can’t give what we don’t have. In the absence of Real Love, they offered one another what they did have-Imitation Love in its various forms-and they gave all they had. Imitation Love does feel good, and because they were both giving it with all their hearts, they were satisfied with their relationship in the beginning. But Imitation Love is absolutely guaranteed to fail in the long run.
THE REAL REASON RELATIONSHIPS FAIL
I have counseled with thousands of couples, most of them married. Remember that people usually get married only after they have sifted through many potential partners, finally choosing the one they believe will provide them with the fulfillment of their dreams. Ideally, marriages should be the cream of all relationships, the best of the best.
And yet 60% of these dream relationships end in divorce, and the vast majority of those who remain married are settling for far less than they had once hoped for. When troubled couples come to me for counseling, invariably they ask some5B4 variation on the question, “What happened?” Both partners are absolutely befuddled, wondering how they could possibly have moved from being soulmates to being combatants.
In their attempts to understand what happened, it’s unavoidable that each partner would blame the other. After all, they reason, their partner once “made them happy,” and now that happiness is gone. The inescapable conclusion is that their partner has somehow failed them, somehow withdrawn the joy they once magically dispensed at the beginning of the relationship.
But now you understand the real reason relationships fail. When two people enter into a relationship without sufficient Real Love, their relationship is virtually doomed from the beginning because both parties lack the one ingredient most essential to genuine happiness and fulfilling relationships. In the beginning of their association they achieve the illusion of happiness only because they give one another enough Imitation Love. It’s better than anything they’ve had before, so it seems real. Then, when the effects of Imitation Love begin to wear off-as they always do-they’re left with the horrifying realization that their dreams have turned into so much dust. Relationships fail not because of what each partner does or does not do.
Relationships fail because they are not built on a foundation of Real Love, but instead are based on a counterfeit currency-Imitation Love-that can never buy h5A9appiness.
The world is literally dying from a lack of the one thing essential for our happiness—Real Love. We spend our entire lives trying to replace that unconditional love with praise, power, sex, money, entertainment, safety, and so on. But it never works, and the resulting emptiness and fear are almost too much to bear.
We don’t have to live like this anymore. Greg Baer and RealLove.com are teaching (1) the real cause of fear and anger and (2) how to find this Real Love that replaces the fear, anger, and conflict in our lives with peace, confidence, and genuine happiness.
Dr. Greg Baer is the author of 16 books, DVDs, and CDs—two of which are internationally published by Penguin Putnam Group—and has presented the life-changing message of Real Love to hundreds of thousands of people all over the world.
For more information on Real Love, including hours of free streaming video and audio, visit http://www.RealLove.com . You’ll be grateful for the rest of your life that you took this step.
Confucius
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